Originally Posted by MeeraReed
You said that your problems with the girlfriend started in part because your husband began the relationship by breaking boundaries: getting drunk and having sex with her before everyone was tested for diseases.
But, I'm also wondering if your boundaries are reasonable. They used condoms, yes? In fact, you said all of you, including you & your husband, use condoms?
Whether or not the boundaries are reasonable, the fact is that they were agreed-upon and he broke them.
If he thinks they are unreasonable, then he needs to sit down and discuss it, not disrespect the agreement by just ignoring it when it suits him. Or he shouldn't have agreed to them in the first place.
If their agreement was that he buy a pineapple before he rode in a car with another, then that is the agreement. If he breaks it, then he broke something that was discussed and cheated on the relationship.
If you want to have a debate about what boundaries are reasonable or not, then that's fair enough, but in my mind it in no way excuses someone unilaterally breaking them, and I don't find it at all relevant to this discussion to have that debate here.