Originally Posted by ViableAlternative
Seriously?! So, a person of unknown health status has a condom break with a guy. Now the guy's health status is also unknown. It IS possible that something can pass with one single oopsie. How likely or unlikely it is doesn't matter; it IS possible. You really think it's totally okay to NOT tell another sexual partner with whom he also uses condoms (which might again break or otherwise fail)?! I have a clean bill of health. No interesting STDs, no yeasties, no nothing. My boyfriend and I had a condom fail. I absolutely REQUIRED that he inform his wife, out of plain old courtesy. It was irrelevant that I required it, because he fully intended to tell her ASAP anyway. She wasn't upset, but she was glad she was told.
Yes, it seriously would not occur to me that a condom breakage must immediately be reported to other partners who are also using condoms.
I would never withhold that information--but it just might not occur to me that the situation is an emergency. (Unless I wasn't using birth control, or unless one of us was known to have HIV, of course).
But that's exactly what I mean--one person's very reasonable boundaries may seem bizarre to another person. This is particularly the case for single people who are dating married people.
That doesn't mean the married couple's boundaries are wrong, it just means that it might be harder to explain to the single girlfriend what they are. And the burden of explaining and upholding those boundaries is on the husband in this case.
Yes, of course Fiona has a right to be upset that her husband broke their boundaries. But I was just offering a single person's perspective: the girlfriend isn't necessarily untrustworthy just because those boundaries were broken.
Some couples approach broken boundaries as a chance to reexamine and renegotiate those boundaries. I'm not sure that would be the right move in this case, but it's a possibility.