I was talking to a friend last night and I realized that I only post here when things are turbulent within me. Being how infrequently I post on my blog that must mean that there's a lot right with my world. In reality the little hiccups are nothing and a lot of the time I hide them because I know the feelings pass pretty quickly.
That's one of my lessons that I'm still learning. Even if I know the feeling will pass I should share it. My feelings make me human and help those I love to understand me. I don't need for things to be fixed since there's nothing actually wrong but talking about my fears lessens their power to some extent.
I also realized that I've come a long way since I started writing this blog. I think before I saw new additions kind of like the enemy. Even having the vaguest notion of that thought prevents you from being open to developing a friendship with a new metamour or potential metamour. (Or new partner of a close friend for that matter). It was a hard lesson to learn and I thank my best friend and her wife for teaching me that. I wasn't exactly pleasant when they first got together since I relied on my friend so much for support. Through a lot of conversations between her wife and I we have come to a place of genuinely enjoying each other's company.
It comes back to trusting the people in my life to make good decisions for themselves. If I believe that everyone comes into my life for a reason and to teach me something I should believe that the same is happening for others. I have no control over the universe (or even over an individual person for that matter). Giving up that control is freeing and it allows me to let friendships develop organically where they may without preconceived notions of the outcome.
I like Brad (RP's new love) and his wife. They're good people and I'm pleased to know them. I'm glad that I have torn down the walls to let that happen. My husband is also out meeting new people, who knows if anything will come of it but I hope that I can keep my desire to be in control out of that as well. It's so much easier to just let things happen as they are going to anyway. Trying to stop it, or change it, is just an exercise in frustration.
As for me wanting to meet new people. I have no time to devote to another relationship and I would be shortchanging anyone I would think of adding. It's not a competition and I'm probably putting out into the universe that I don't have time since I know deep down that I don't. If something is meant to be it will present it's self at a time and place where it's something that I can give my proper energy to.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.