Saw Marty last Sunday for the first time in far too long, thanks to the insanity of summer and such. It was a decent afternoon/evening. I took my son over to play with his son. We were able to chat and game a bit around that, but a lot of the focus was on watching the kiddos. After Kitty got home from work, we all ate/watched a movie, then they did some cleaning and such while I made sure the boys didn't break themselves or anything else. Marty was still feeling very poorly so I kept my distance, but oh, it was hard. Being around him in person again after so long reminded me of just how incredibly attractive I find him. I'm hoping that this Weds our date night happens, and I do not plan to take my kiddo. I don't want much, just a quiet evening watching a movie and snuggling. I know Kitty and their son will be home so it's not like we'd have any privacy anyway.
Also still work in progress on the whole "I am my own primary" thing. That's a whole lot easier said than done, isn't it? I just miss Marty so much and wish I knew what to do to bridge this distance that's been growing. I really want to make it work. I'm trying to take more of the "lover-friends" approach, and wrap my brain around that. Being more independent, not worrying immediately "oh no, he's just not into me because of (insert stupid reasoning from my depressed brain)". I'm trying the whole "if you love someone let them go" etc etc insofar as backing off these past couple months and trying to give him the space he has needed, I just hope as the next couple weeks pack and he gets re-used to being on the meds again, that things level out and some of my needs can get met again.
The other work in progress is the state of my marriage. We've basically been living as roommates insofar as little to no physical affection or romance. Still haven't been able to pin down time for a talk - it's really hard with the kids and my mom, and it seems anytime we could talk one of us is sick. Friday evening is probably the next opportunity we'll have, since he works Tues & Thurs.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.