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Old 07-24-2012, 07:26 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,061

Hi there, AE,
I also embraced polyamory after my marriage ended quite abruptly. I am not divorced yet, the procedure has been dragging over the last two years. I don't know how recent it is for you, but it does take some time to process such a huge and shocking change. I read in a book called "Crazy Time" that for the first two years after a divorce or separation, we're a little nuts, still in shock, and processing our grief. This is something that most professionals, such as therapists, counselors, etc., concur on. Oddly enough, it is only recently, as the two-year mark approached for me, that it feels like my fog has lifted.

It has taken me all this time to really figure out what I want from my poly relationships. At first, I started reading about it and thought that I wanted multiple serious, committed boyfriend-girlfriend type relationships, but to remain independent and not live with anyone. Now I still do not want to cohabit with anyone -- that hasn't changed -- but I realized I want to have much more relaxed and casual parameters to my relationships. I want several lover-friends, and to love freely without attachment (attachment as in the worst, most co-dependent sense of the word), but not to have a partner entwined in all aspects of my life. I am very content with the inner work I've done to figure it all out. This does not mean I have not been involved with anyone all this time. I started dating again about four or five months after my husband moved out, but I was still brokenhearted and not very clear about a number of things for quite some time. No one really knows how devastating of an upheaval a divorce can be unless they go through it themselves.

I mention this only as a caution to be on your guard about making life-altering decisions during this time. But you can still explore relationships. Just be true to yourself, honest with your partners, and try to go slowly, one day at a time. Don't rush into a group situation, if you find one, before you're ready.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-24-2012 at 07:29 PM.
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