I don't have any answers for you. I do have a few things for you to think about. One thing you could do is get yourself into a contemplative place and see what your pain is telling you about yourself.
I would suggest dropping your effort to keep things fair between you and your partner, as long as you're honest with him about who you are. Life is built on unfairness. I'm sure I'm better at some things than you are. Does that mean I have to stop using my skills, because you don't have them - just to be fair?
Staying on the unfair train of thought - are you really looking for a V arrangement, with you as the hinge? To some that may sound unfair, but there is at least one member of this forum who has just that. She is intimate with her husband and one other guy. They all live together. She doesn't want either guy getting involved with anyone else. That seems to work for them. Her user name is phy. She tells her story in the blog section.
I would suggest you stop asking what is fair and start asking yourself what works for you. Do you really want monogamy? How much do you know about what you want to do with your life?
Ask yourself a lot of these kind of questions. The question of fairness just confuses the thought process, because we are all different.
Last edited by snowmelt; 07-24-2012 at 07:50 PM.