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Old 07-24-2012, 06:34 PM
quianaa2001 quianaa2001 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hmmm, that comment, "at least I have a relationship with him" sounds like you're settling for what you can get, instead of pursuing and creating the kind of relationship you want.

I think it would probably be better to simply describe what you want out of the relationship, your needs, expectations, etc., instead of stating that you want a certain kind of position according to hierarchical labeling. Leave the labels alone. I have found that, while having in-person discussions, using certain poly jargon sounds really dorky and dumb.

Yes, but have YOU defined for yourself what you want and how you want to approach your relationship with him? It sounds like you intend to go to him almost like a beggar, asking him to define it for you. I encourage you to take a stance. If you don't yet know what it is want and how to define it, you'd best figure it out before having the talk with him. Define for yourself how you want it to be and discuss it with him, and that's where negotiations will take off from. Don't just leave it all up to him and hope you'll get something, anything, good out of it.

How long have you been involved with him? It sounds like a fairly new relationship. Are you sure you aren't just caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship, getting all misty-eyed about it, and wanting more? Are your feet on the ground, or is your head in the clouds? How do you manage the long distance - does it leave you feeling like it's not enough? Do you have other partners, or are you solely focused on him? How old are you? Do you have much relationship experience? You may need to sort things out a little bit more for yourself before laying any requests for big changes on him. Make sure you are looking at the relationship clearly and not projecting some needs onhim that you need to fulfill yourself.
You're totally right I don't need to go at him like I'm begging, I'm sure that wouldn't do any good!

I'm going to take a step back and think about what I want, and what's the best way for me to describe that to him. Then once I've said what I've need to, I'll see where the conversation goes.

To answer the other questions, we have been involved for 8 months now, so maybe I am still getting all misty eyed? IDK
The Long distance is okay, I do wish I saw him more but it's just not in the cards.
I do have a primary boyfriend and we have a DADT relationship. I'm 22 new to poly, and in my first real long term relationship.
I'm not sure if it's relevant but my bf is 27 and my long distance friend is much older, something that I find super attractive! My friend is like dating someone I've always wanted to date/ always dreamed about dating but never thought it would ever happen, it's so interesting.
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