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Old 07-24-2012, 05:57 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
I just KNOW that he comes under her spell the moment he spends time with her.
Have you told him this? Is he aware of her effect on him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
Anyway, if they do this, I will distance myself from her and her relationship with my husband even more. It remains to be seen how much of an issue this will be between me and husband. But the thing I struggle with the most is the fact that I really don't want her sleeping in my bed anymore. Sleeping at her place is not a possibility, so my husband already pointed out that if he were to start this more casual, FWB relationship with a DADT policy, he has nowhere to go. Right now, my reaction to this is 'I don't care'... I am mad, and this thing is really the only thing i can do to give this anger a voice.
Mad or not, you have every right to protect your sanctuary and request that your bed be off-limits. He can go have sex in the car or the woods or rent a hotel room. If she is that important, they can find a way without crossing your boundary. Poly should be about consent and respect, so if you are against having someone you don't trust in your bedroom and in your bed, do not feel guilty or bad about asking for that to be sacred to just you and your husband. You don't have to consent to his fucking her in your bed. Many, many poly couples who share a bed have a rule that other partners do not use the bed. May I also point out, however, that you should probably not have your bf in your bed either, to be fair.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-24-2012 at 06:00 PM.
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