Keep on writing....
Wow, what a powerful start to your blog. People read this part of the forum a lot, and your story will touch and help others just by existing. I had a strong reaction to what you've written, and your circumstances - it's your personal space, and I don't care much for judgement calls made in blogs, so all I will say is this. You have a right to be a happy human being - the journey to get to that place is not always a straight shot, and the experience of living our lives is not always what we expect it to be. Keep on writing!