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Old 07-24-2012, 04:24 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,255
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Schoolme,

I am so sorry you were raped. You did not deserve that. (It's obvious but not said enough to survivors.) I think you are very brave in going to the police and the hospital and in reaching out to your loved ones for support and care.

You are not damaged goods. You are strong and you will be fine. You are a fine momma to a daughter. People love you.

But you have been hurt. Your loved ones do not want to hurt you more or do anything that reminds you of the rape. So they may be more standoffish than you like. I think this may be especially difficult for men - another man hurt you and Bear likely does not want to bring up those painful memories. If you can, tell him you want him to touch you and tell him how and when you want to be touched. If you can't talk to him about this yet - that's ok. Let him know that. He will wait until you are from your and Beauty's descriptions of him.

Are you getting counseling? You will need to cry, if not in front of everyone, and you will need to remember in order to heal. This is a terrible thing to realize that remembering and talking about it is a way to heal. It is easier to do this with someone unconnected to your regular life. Do talk to Bear and Beauty but because they love you and are in your life, they may not be able to provide that valuable outside perspective. And they see you in great pain and want to 'fix' it and they cannot. You do not have to 'take care' of a professional counselor the way you may be tempted to do with Beauty and Bear, such as minimize your pain so they don't have to feel it with you. You can rage and shout and cry in ways that you may not be able to closer loved ones. I really encourage you to do this. Many women's centers, rape crisis centers, women's health centers, domestic violence shelters, and so on will be able to refer you to someone or have counseling themselves. One of your friends may know of someone. And if money is an issue - I remember my student days! - often there are sliding fee scale counseling options out there. Also, there are groups where women (and men) who have been raped can talk about with other survivors. It is often helpful to talk with people who have been through a similar experience.

It will take a while, perhaps a long while, and you will not be the same. But you will be fine and you will thrive.
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