I couldn't agree with you more, that's why I said that MM isn't available to live this kind of lifestyle. We were very leery of even meeting with him, knowing that he is essentially cheating on his wife. When we did relent to meeting with him, it was with the pretense of, 'who better to be with than a married couple, very secure in the relationship, with no strings attached.' We had no idea it would evolve into what it has.
What will happen next? I don't know. Will he leave his wife for us? I doubt it, but then again, I don't know.
What I do know is that since we have met him, it has made me realize that I want a poly life. It won't be with him unless he leaves his wife or is totally up front with her. I won't ever ask him to do that, tho.