Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
F) We can proclaim to the high heavens that we trust our new found love and therefore our or their other partners should trust us. But, every person whose ever been cheated on, at some point trusted their partner. People lie ALL OF THE TIME & often they lie VERY WELL. If we proclaim that poly is about being upfront and honest, with everyone aware.... we can't also hold strictly to not meeting (by some format or another) their other partners.
BECAUSE we can't KNOW that our partners ACTUALLY are being upfront and honest unless we verify.
But, the thing is, verifying and being 100 % sure, is impossible.
If my lover tells me that his partner is on board, and I haven't checked with her, I can choose to trust him or I can check with her. When I check with her and she tells me that yes, she is on board and she's ok with it, I can breathe a sigh of relief.
But, of course, there is no way of knowing for sure that with this checking / verifying / meeting the metamour, nobody is lying.
My lover could be cheating on me and his wife with someone else.
My lovers wife could be cheating on my lover with someone else. If they are fluid bonded, and my lover and I are also fluid bonded (because I trust him and his partner to tell me the truth, right?) my health is at risk.
I'm just saying.. in all relationships there is a point where there really is no guarantee, no matter how much you check and verify. There is a point where you have to yield and know and accept that there are elements of risk and danger every single time you interact with someone, emotionally or physically.
So all you can do (IMO) is figure out for yourself what risks are acceptable, and how you can minimize the amount of risk that is not acceptable.