Originally Posted by sparklepop
If he's got an unhealthy pattern... can that be changed? Or does it have to keep repeating itself? Is this kind of relationship pattern good for him in any way? Or does it always inevitably lead to bad stress and heartache?
What I mean by that... is that I don't mind dating quite selfish casual partners. I find some of their self-obsession amusing and the arguments can actually be thrilling. I'm not going to marry them, so those shortcomings aren't a no-go for me.
Yes, I really do think that this relationship pattern is good for him in a way. He is an extremely sensible, logical, controlled and reasonable guy. He needs dark women pull out his dark side, to become unsettled. He enjoys the unsettling effect they have, he even enjoys the pain, in a way. I think he enjoys giving up control.
he would not choose a woman like that to be his life partner.. that's why he chose me.. but it is something he needs in his life, and I think it brings him more than bad stress and heart ache.
and for the record: his ex (before me) was like this, but he and I have been together for almost 2 decades, and he has not dated anyone like this since we opened our marriage, so it's not like he's looking for a new unsettling woman every week