well, a little update: my husband saw the GF on Sunday and they talked for hours. I'm having a hard time understanding what they talked about, even though he tried to tell me in detail. There seems to be a lot of going round in circles and a lot of confusion. They're meeting again tonight, at our house. I asked him that they don't have sex and that she won't spend the night.
Originally Posted by nycindie
Start off with something like, "Honey, I hate to see you hurting so much, but I am concerned about ___ if you continue to see her." Point out that she could just lie to him and cheat again, and that you don't want to see him suffer even more. I also think it is a perfectly reasonable request that she not have sex with him in your bed (or your home, for that matter). You don't need the energies of unbalanced, dishonest people in the room where you rest, seek sanctuary, and are intimate with your husband.
If they stay together, it will be the kind of relationship where cheating is no longer an issue, because they will adopt a DADT policy. My husband is not really sure he can make this work but I think he wants to.
I just KNOW that he comes under her spell the moment he spends time with her.
Anyway, if they do this, I will distance myself from her and her relationship with my husband even more. It remains to be seen how much of an issue this will be between me and husband. But the thing I struggle with the most is the fact that I really don't want her sleeping in my bed anymore. Sleeping at her place is not a possibility, so my husband already pointed out that if he were to start this more casual, FWB relationship with a DADT policy, he has nowhere to go. Right now, my reaction to this is 'I don't care'... I am mad, and this thing is really the only thing i can do to give this anger a voice.
The thing I struggle with is that I really want us to be indivuduals who are dating. I don't want to veto, I don't want to control him. I think the way he handles his connections with others is ultimately his business, and he needs to learn his own lessons just like I do.
BUT...Where does the responsibility for my own well being come in? how much can I ask of him, what can I ask him to give up for me, within the context of our relationship?