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Old 07-24-2012, 04:22 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Thanks for clarifying your situation, LovingRadiance. Everything you say makes sense.
No problem. I fully understand how impossible it is to really convey a whole situation in a few posts. I enjoy the conversation.

It sounds like Maca must be making poor choices in terms of who he gets involved with, if it results in situations in which your kids are exposed to unnecessary loss and drama??
Yep. It wasn't a huge problem with the 2 year relationship (she just moved) even though the kids are having to face the loss of her and her daughter (friend). It's fairly easy to walk through the explanations of them having moved etc.
But, the sudden disappearances, with no explanation forth coming (from them or Maca) leaves me having to figure out WHAT to say-and that ticks me off. I don't lie to my kids-so I end up with "I don't really know honey", which as you can imagine, does not satisfy a 4-5 year old and results in the same question for MONTHS. It's been almost 2 years since one of them disappeared and she STILL asks me. Sigh.

For example, does it truly damage kids to experience loss every so often? Loss is a part of life--friends move away, baby-sitters grow up, relationships end, people drift apart.
Certainly, which they are aware of. With a step brother and a foster brother who moved away and the loss of a number of friends who've moved away, not to mention family, they have experienced this.
But, even in the case of our oldest (20 yo now) daughters best friend committing suicide-there was an explanation. Painful, but something I can work with.
When it's "sorry daddy decided to fuck her cause he thought he was in love iwth her, but then he realized he was thinking with his dick"... that doesn't work-but that's the God's honest truth.
Really, what it comes down to for me is this:
if you want to make shitty decisions (like smoking); keep it to yourself, it's not something your kids should have to struggle with understanding.
On the other hand, if real life happens while you are doing your level best to take responsiblity for your actions; then you sit down and explain real life to your kids.
Either way-it shouldn't fall on me to explain the disappearance of the women he has drug through for reasons even he can't explain because looking back a week or two later he's smacking his forehead saying "UGH! WHY?@?@"

Your kids have two parents, so it's not the same as the kids of single parents who long for a second parent and get hurt when the potential mates keep abandoning them.
Actually they have 4. 3 live here and one lives a few miles away.

I don't know how old your kids are, but maybe it would help to put a positive "life lesson" spin on the unexpected departure of their father's lovers. From teachers to baby-sitters to elderly relatives to high school crushes, people just aren't always around forever.
I dont mind doing that for lovers who are actually around for more than a week or two. But, if he wants experiments or play partners-they don't need to be around. It's not fair to me as the one at home all day with the kids-to have to deal with the drama. HE doesn't have to deal with it-he's not here. It's a matter of simple respect of me.
The same way I wouldn't bring any experimental partners around his coworkers. Because HE shouldn't have to deal with their questions/concerns for something that is ALL MINE.

Kids get hurt easily, but kids are also pretty resilient.
They are resilient-you're absolutely right.
But, they shouldn't be unnecessarily subjected to bs just beause someone is lazy about dealing with their own shit. It's neglect to subject a child to pain for no reason. There's no NEED for him to bring these women around his kids-therefore, there is no reason for the pain he's causing them in doing so.
It's not like he can't afford to rent a hotel room every week if he wanted to.
So, there are ways around it.

OR he might consider looking at people for their HEALTHY behaviors, instead of just their "fuck me fast" looks (elaborated on his type being the "I look like a drug addict slut" type in another thread); since he keeps SAYING what he wants is a second wife.

(fyi, totally NOT offended by your questions, thoughts or comments. Smiling actually while reading-very well thought out and meaningful addition to the conversation. I love when people actually elaborate with serious thought)
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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