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Old 07-24-2012, 02:17 AM
schoolme schoolme is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: DFW Area
Posts: 6

Well things in my triad were going great...Because of some issues about where I lived I allowed my baby girl Pinky to stay with Beauty and Bear so I could finish my college summer classes where I lived and I wanted my dauther to be somewhere she was safe and I knew that she would be very well taken care of...I on the other hand was going to stay with a friend of mine that I have known for almost 4 yrs so I could finish classes and continue to work and save some money so that when I moved I could get Pinky and myself a place of our own...

That did not go as planned do to the fact that early this past wednesday morning my bestfriends son raped me while I was sleeping...I went straight to the ER afterwards sitting there all alone wanting to call Beauty but not really know what to say or what she would do or could do...the process took forever at the ER that day...I finally got ahold of Beauty after I had been examined and her and Bear told me that they thought it would be best if I just came to stay with them and I would have a safe place to after the ER visit and the police interagation...I went home and took a shower at my APT because I still technically had my own apt for a few more days...I went to work and got my check cashed it and filled the car up with gas and left...All I wanted was to see my baby Pinky and to hold her...

Through this all Beauty has been my ROCK...I want to just block all of this out of my memory and move on and pretend that nothing had ever happened but this is not the way this is working...I have had to tell Beauty many time that I'm not going to break so there for she will actually show affection to me like she did the days prior to the day of the rape.

Bear on the other hand is a whole nother story...He has been very stand offish and which I understand in many ways is normal but for me it sometimes feels like I am being precived as damaged goods... And yes I do understand the relaity of it all but for me it is very had because Bear and I had a very sexual relationship and it was like in an instance everything that our relationship had been is gone and it is somewhat hard for me to grasp...He has been very good with me though...He is very gentle with me (sometimes too gentle)

There is alot of things going on in my little world and the rape has just aplifyed many of those things...

Before the rape I was finally relizing that I belonged somewhere and was settling into my place in the realationship and now I dont know where my place is...I KNOW I still have one but having a really hard time defining it right now...

I must go for now I am becoming a little emotional and Im not the girly girly type that likes to cry or shed a tear and expecially not infrount of my lovers or my kid...I was trained for years never to cry...Never show weakness...

I really think I need alot of untraining on
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