View Single Post
  #2  
Old 07-23-2012, 11:04 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Labels are a double-edged sword - they can be useful as a short-hand to describe something, but they have problems associated with them.

In the poly world, different people have different interpretations of some of the poly terms - it's vital to make sure that each person in the conversation understands what the other means, rather than assuming.

The other pitfall is that labels can be used to put people into restrictive boxes - the classic example is "you can't ask for this, you're only a secondary".

If you want to have a "where are we going, what's possible and what is ruled-out" type of discussion, I wouldn't rely on labels at all. Instead I would just spell it out fully in words. If your love interest uses a label, make sure you question to ask what they understand by it.

Make sense?

Maybe you don't present your needs or desire,s but instead get him to talk about how HE feels. That opens the chance for him to turn the question around and to ask you. It becomes a true conversation, rather than just talking about labels.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote