Welcome to our forum.
From the sound of your initial post, I'd guess you could continue on with the situation for the moment, as you may not be 100% sure yet of what you can or can't live with. This might even be a good time to evaluate your goals. What do you want in the long term?
You said N dictates the terms of your relationship with him. How does he do so? It doesn't sound like he's very communicative. Is silence a "means of control" for him?
Glad to hear your husband agreed to tone down the K talk. Sometimes when people are caught up with NRE (New Relationship Energy), they just don't realize what they're doing.
Hope we can be of some help to you on this site.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"