Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
But I'll toss this out..............in a nutshell.
We ALL have power available to us in some form. We have to be extremely careful in the exercise of that power, and strive to understand what are often the far reaching effects of our power. Living with the awareness OF that power needs to be a daily affair. It's a lifelong challenge.
God ain't that the truth! I was JUST trying to explain that to someone recently. Not so eloquently-but alas I was trying.
Its something I see with children. We complain about how kids and teens behave "these days" but then we (as parents) control every detail of their childhood to the point of making it "perfect" for them and not allowing them to suffer the natural consequences of their choices when they are young and the consequences seem huge to them, but aren't as life-long damaging.
I get a lot of flack, because of things like when my stepson screamed and threw a fit over not wanting to put his boots on before we left, I just proceeded in silence to put the boots (and his clothes he was also refusing) into the car, seatbelted his sister in (he as 2 and she was 6). Went back in he was still flipping out. Told him quietly-I'm leaving now you need to get in the car so you aren't left alone. He screamed his bloody head off running naked and barefoot through the snow (yes it was freezing cold outside too) to the car (already warmed up and unnecessary to wear a coat in it) where I seatbelted his diaper only self into his seat after asking once more "are you goign to put your clothes and boots on?" quietly and calmly. He replied "NO!!!" followed by some uncharacteristic of that age group expletives (learned from his already abusive life prior to me).
I got in my seat-put on my seatbelt and drove to my daughters school and his preschool. Asked him again. By this time he'd screamed and cussed at me for 20 miles. He'd finally calmed down and was just crying. Faced with the knowledge that if he said no I would just walk him through the snow barefoot and naked to the school, he agreeably put his clothes and boots on.
ALL the flack I got resulting in his teacher and mother calling children's services. I agreed that yes I did do EXACTLY that. They concluded it was an appropriate use of natural consequences and that any other option would have led to high potential of physical abuse... The key being that at each step he was offered the OPPORTUNITY to correct his behavior and put on appropriate clothing. AND steps were taken to insure no permanent injury (I did NOT make him walk 20 miles in the snow for example, only from door to car).
Amazingly that kid-even with all his other issues due to being a drug baby-does NOT scream and throw fits when I tell him he needs to do something, he does it and if he is confused to why I want him to-he ASKS. Which allows him to learn consequences even if he doesn't have to live them.
If we use our power incorrectly even for a SEEMINGLY good cause-we can REALLY fuck things up for the future.
Recently I've been REALLY harping on the family here that each person MUST consider the LONG term POTENTIAL consequences (good or bad) of their actions because they are responsible for them even if they were unintended.
Ok-sorry-that was long.