Originally Posted by thedoubtfulguest
I still feel a bit hurt and resentful about the circumstances of the child's conception. I also feel very attracted to him now we've gotten to know each other. I keep finding myself daydreaming about him. I understand that it's probably some artifact of my complex feelings about the pregnancy and probably some jumbled up product of a jealousy-compersion-smooshing but I still feel stuff. I suppose I'm harbouring some vague fantasy of us all being a big, happy, poly family together. Which is ridiculous, I know.
If you weren't planning on having a child and aren't certain you do want one, it is not a good idea to have one. Here's the thing: in many jurisdictions, if you act as if you are the parent and the child is yours, you legally become responsible for the child. If you and your wife break up in the future, you're then on the hook for child support while the actual father has no responsibility.
Now, if you want the child and aren't worried about that, then you'd be best served by taking action to legally sever any claim the father has to the child. Without that step being taken, he can assert his rights--and if he and she break up, that becomes likely--and can cause problems for you down the road.
I'd say, based on your report here, that the situation isn't very stable. I know I wouldn't be taking responsibility for the child, were I in a similar situation. I'd be happy to help rear the child as befitting a relative in the extended family. I wouldn't be comfortable taking full parental responsibilities for a child that isn't mine, wasn't planned, and when not in a stable relationship environment. Remember, you are responsible for taking care of your own interests and making certain others don't take advantage of you (which is what I see happening here).