Thread: defeated
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:04 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I don't like to think I'm weak but I guess I am if I go by everyone on here.
For the record I don't consider you weak at all. If I have given that impression, then I apologize.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
the only low self esteem I have is that I can't seem to make my own husband happy with just me.
If I may say so, this is a reaction I have seen many times in so-called mono/poly relationships. The idea that if you were somehow MORE or something, then he wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

It really doesn't work like that with a poly person - no matter who you were, if he is poly, he will be capable of loving another. Please don't beat yourself up on this issue - check out other posts on here that have tags like "monopoly" and you will see the sort of thing I am talking about.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I came here also to find out why people need someone other than their spouse in a romantic way. I don't get it at all.
That is a very hard question to answer - a poly person can't explain it any more than they can explain why their eyes are blue. It just IS, there is no reason, particularly.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I want to fill the void that she seems to fulfill.
That is a fools errand - why are you trying to be all things to him? You will not succeed, and you will go insane trying.

I can try to trot out all sorts of analogies - I did that when I was trying to talk to my mono partner about how I felt. None of them gained any traction, mostly because the answer was always "yeah, but this is different".

I suggest you do some reading about mono/poly relationships before you discuss too much with him. This may prepare you a little for the sorts of things you will be hearing and hopefully make you realise that you are far from alone dealing with this.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State

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