Thread: defeated
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:04 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I don't like to think I'm weak but I guess I am if I go by everyone on here.
For the record I don't consider you weak at all. If I have given that impression, then I apologize.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
the only low self esteem I have is that I can't seem to make my own husband happy with just me.
If I may say so, this is a reaction I have seen many times in so-called mono/poly relationships. The idea that if you were somehow MORE or something, then he wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

It really doesn't work like that with a poly person - no matter who you were, if he is poly, he will be capable of loving another. Please don't beat yourself up on this issue - check out other posts on here that have tags like "monopoly" and you will see the sort of thing I am talking about.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I came here also to find out why people need someone other than their spouse in a romantic way. I don't get it at all.
That is a very hard question to answer - a poly person can't explain it any more than they can explain why their eyes are blue. It just IS, there is no reason, particularly.

Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I want to fill the void that she seems to fulfill.
That is a fools errand - why are you trying to be all things to him? You will not succeed, and you will go insane trying.

I can try to trot out all sorts of analogies - I did that when I was trying to talk to my mono partner about how I felt. None of them gained any traction, mostly because the answer was always "yeah, but this is different".

I suggest you do some reading about mono/poly relationships before you discuss too much with him. This may prepare you a little for the sorts of things you will be hearing and hopefully make you realise that you are far from alone dealing with this.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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