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Old 07-22-2012, 09:16 PM
jonandkas jonandkas is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Near London, UK
Posts: 5
Default Questions... questions... questions


I'm Jon and my co-habitting girlfriend is Kasia, we're new round these parts - hi all

We recently started thinking we might be/want to be polyamorous. We seem to have very similar thought patterns - she started thinking about it two days before me (we realised this after me initiating the conversation yesterday).

Apparently she started by thinking it could be something I might like & is now considering she might be ever-so-slightly bi herself... so it's something we're definitely interested in investigating further.

Certainly, neither of us are specifically against the idea of it - but feel we have a bit of monoamorous social conditioning that we both have to get past to feel completely comfortable with the idea.

We're not yet 100% sure what we want from this and of course that's something only we can answer for ourselves, but it's definitely something we want to pursue and think others experience could be of great help to us.

We've been living together for over 2 years now, very happy with each other and we don't want to do anything that could ruin what we have with each other... so we would definitely be looking to keep this as a form of "primary" relationship. I think we just have more love to share and would almost like it to work as an extended family, of sorts. I think we'll be looking for a V or Triad style relationship, rather than anything more casual, but I'm open to a quad or similar if that's something that would make Kas happy. We need something that works for both of us, I think a bit of experimentation will be required to figure out what's right for us.

I'm currently going through the various threads on this forum, including the very useful "Master Thread"... but we've got some questions we'd like to get out there - I hope these haven't been posted many many times, but here goes:

- To those who made the "switch" from monoamorous to polyamorous - why did you make the "switch" and what did you hope to get from it? (I put "switch" in quotes because it's highly likely not a switch... more a realisation)

- How did you first start pursuing a polyamorous relationship? (seeing as it's not a social norm, we're assuming it's not the easiest of relationships to fall in to and would like a little guidance to help find like-minded people)

- Did you get what you were looking for out of it? (I expect most still on this forum did, but it still seems like an appropriate question as you could well have been expecting one thing & ended up with something completely different - as with most things in life) and so if different, how?

- Are there any foibles you'd specifically recommend we avoid?

- How did you get past the mono social conditioning - are there any tips/tricks or is it just something that gets more comfortable with time and experience?

Thanks for taking the time... we've already figured out the single most important thing to maintaining our healthy relationship - communication - without this, it will all fall apart.

My/our ideas are still very new & we're both a little unsure of ourselves at this stage - so apologies if this post has come accross as a bit convoluted.

Last edited by jonandkas; 07-22-2012 at 11:14 PM.
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