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Old 07-22-2012, 05:32 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

We have it! We have an agreement that we are all satisfied with, and I couldn't be happier. For my husband, my relationship with C itself has not been as difficult for him to cope with as has the messy way it has overlapped with his home life with me, causing one misunderstanding after another with all the grey areas involved. We've decided that an ongoing relationship between C and I will be possible, though, by limiting it to a couple of clearly defined, discussed in advance days per month, when I go to see him rather than C coming to our city. We already have a weekend event planned together in October, but for the most part I'll be able to schedule days mid-week so that my time away is largely while the kids are at school and my husband is at work.

This helps tremendously in my relationship with C as well, whose life is largely a series of events and trips one after another. Rather than trying to fit me in between or have to give something up to make time for me, I can simply join him for something each month that is close enough for me to get to for a couple of days. This can help satisfy his desire for a partner who can travel with him, although I know two days a month isn't much. I've always been frustrated by the frantic feel to our times together, when they have been limited to an hour or two and we barely have time to get past small talk to just relax in each other's presence. He's often felt bad about having this busy life that leaves little time for me, even though he is thinking of me and has expressed an intention to make me more of a priority. Now he can know that with our times together scheduled in advance for an agreed amount and frequency, he doesn't need to try to alter his habits to accommodate me.

During the days in between, I can give my focus fully to my husband and kids. My husband and I have discussed things for hours and are already finding ways to improve what we have between us, so this is feeling like a win-win-win to me. We recognize that grey areas and misunderstandings will no doubt arise eventually, but I think they will be much easier to see coming so we should be able to resolve them without all the drama and pain we've been through lately.
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
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