Sorry that it went so badly. I get the feeling that if you pursue another relationship he is going to resent you for it, whether you and he discuss the details or not.
Do you feel that you can be truly happy in a DADT setup?
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb