Thread: My new Ai-jin
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:46 PM
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I'm going to be going back to counseling next week to help deal with some the stress I've been experiencing. The personal issues and inter conflict I've been having because of J-kun has been greatly distracted me from being able to focus on my schoolwork...and next week is the last week of classes.

However yesterday J- came to school and spent the afternoon/evening with me specifically because he felt like cheering me up and giving me some face-time. We had a good afternoon getting to talk. He know's I've been having a hard time and he's not really one to have in-depth conversations about these sorts of topics more than once.

It doesn't help I'm never very comfortable talking to other people about my real feelings because I'm often doubting myself. I often get the sense that my feelings or 'intuition' about something when I'm upset is wrong, and that's something I need to work on.

J- knows that I love him, and that's important. I don't expect him to feel the same way, but he does tell me he is very fond of me. He's still not sure what is going on with him and this new girl, but I'm glad to know for sure that I am still important enough to him that he will make some time for me.

It's hard to resist wanting to tell him how much I love him all the time. I feel like it's only fair to let him and her have whatever it is they can have, as long as it lasts, even if it is bad timing for me.

A problem my husband and I have discussed is the possibility that I may not be, in reality, polyamorous. While I am able to love more than one man at once, even don't have a problem with intimacy with two, it's hard to say if I can really handle sharing mine. It's something I will have to figure out and I'm lucky that I have my husband here to support me, love me, and understand whatever decisions I make in the long run.
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