Originally Posted by Finnglas
Unfortunately it has to be internal
Why is this unfortunate? Whether its uncomfortable for you to go there, or its hard for you to find quiet time, inside yourself is the only place you're going to find your answers. I would first look at why you see looking inside you as an unfortunate thing to have to do. I've have a lot of practice looking inside myself. Its where I get my balance, peace, and self esteem. I know no one else can give me any of that. Its not anyone else's job. I can quiet myself and look within at a crowded party. I have.
I was once at a party and started to mentally drift off somewhere else. When I do that, it tells me I'm getting bored with whatever is going on around me, or there is a task I have to do and its front and center in my mind. Someone I know well came over and commented about me drifting off. In their own opinion "all they did was point it out". He made the assumption that when I decide to go to a party I have to "stay" there the whole time, so it must be rude to drift. I happen to think that telling me I'm doing something that I choose to do and already know I'm doing is useless and rude.
The healthy assumption under those circumstances needs to be I am doing it for myself, so that obviously means I need do it for myself. In turn, that obviously means it must be the right thing to do. In my opinion, looking at things this way is a part of true self esteem.
I told him if he has something to say that's worth coming back for, to let me know. I said it very casually and respectfully, the same way you would ask a host where the bathroom is.
My point with all of this is - do what you truly need to do for you. Feels weird? In a world where the norm is that everyone tells you what you need to do for them, it is weird to them. So what? Do it anyway. Whatever that is, if it is truly for you and not against someone or done in anger, it has to be a good thing. No one else besides you has to know that.