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Old 07-22-2012, 02:58 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Even though you don't want to tell hubs what to do, you can still voice your concerns in a way that won't come across as an ultimatum or "I told you so." She has proven herself untrustworthy and now needs to regain trust if she wants to be in his life again. Start off with something like, "Honey, I hate to see you hurting so much, but I am concerned about ___ if you continue to see her." Point out that she could just lie to him and cheat again, and that you don't want to see him suffer even more. I also think it is a perfectly reasonable request that she not have sex with him in your bed (or your home, for that matter). You don't need the energies of unbalanced, dishonest people in the room where you rest, seek sanctuary, and are intimate with your husband.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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