I have agreed to wait and see and not make plans to abandon my friendship with Ken. He asked me to see if it works out and I will. I don't see how it will turn out well as I have gone over (at all hours of the morning) different scenarios and possible complications in my mind and can see that all of us, depending on the scenario, stand to get hurt. Still, here we are... In it and just waiting to see. Again.
The tricky part for me will be to see how much monogamous values play into the future of our friendships. I wonder if the monogamous values my co-worker has will be challenged and what that will be like for her. I wonder how much he will be worth to her. I wonder how my poly values will be challenged and how much that will be worth it.
Right now its the beginning time for them when generally people are still feeling autonomous from new partners and are able to make statements such as "you do what you want in life" with confidence that they can separate themselves quite well because it doesn't feel foreign to do so. Given time, often people merge until it becomes impossible to be okay with watching a partner spend time with another person that they know they have a connection with. Such scenarios for Ken and I come to mind such as his coming to my burlesque shows, or going on the poly camp trip together at the end of the summer.
Sure, burlesque shows and poly camp or going to various events I host might become a thing of the past for him and that would be sad for me. Its his choice. It happens that way when new people come into any relationship dynamic. What was once a normal activity becomes a threat or isn't interesting any more. We aren't partners, we are friends and it shouldn't matter. Thing is I don't really know how to be friends with him in this way. I guess this is my learning curve. What I do just won't be as interesting. That's how it goes when someone new comes along. Not much different than any other poly dynamic. NRE abounds for him I am guessing, just as it would if we were dating.
I said to him to stay true to himself when I left him yesterday. I just hope he remembers to make choices that reflect what he thinks and feels and not for other people. We talked a bit about making decisions and choices that come from thinking about what we want, need and what feels right to us. What resonates with ourselves rather than because someone else is confident in what resonates for them. I hope he found some value in my saying what I did yesterday and doesn't take the easier route of following what me or her or anyone else thinks he should do.
Regardless of what I agreed to, I must admit I am preparing for some shit hitting the fan. Wouldn't you know it, she's now off of work for a month and comes back to work the same week that Mono's lady friend comes back to town. Stay tune this September when redpepper loses her mind!