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Old 07-21-2012, 06:40 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 461

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
The root of my problem with this statement is that he he gets to spend the night with a partner either way -- his wife or you. He's guaranteed a date.

A more balanced statement would be "We'll go out Friday night if my wife doesn't have plans for me and if you don't make other plans in the meantime. We'll let each other know."
Annabel makes a really valid point here.

I don't expect anyone to wait around for me... my girlfriend, my friends-with-benefits, or even my actual friends.

If someone has to wait around for my decision, I'm never upset if their plans change and I missed my boat. My own fault for being so flaky and indecisive.

The girl I'm dating right now is great for me because our dating schedule is extremely flexible. The last girl I dated needed to know as soon at the end of each date when we'd next see each other. Not because she was particularly busy, but because she was very clingy. This drove me mad. And drove me away. The more she pushed, the less I wanted to see her and the less eager I was to solidify plans.

It wasn't her fault - she just needed someone who was more committal than I was. And a lot more love and attention than I could offer. I didn't want to make her unhappy and she wouldn't end it, so I did, so that she could find someone better suited to her needs.

So... is your boyfriend flaky? Non-committal? Committal to his wife, but not to you? If he's non-committal with you, why's that? Is he 'just not that into you'? Does he just want to keep it casual, but likes you lots?

It's never good to be in the position where you are waiting around for someone else to make you happy. I sympathise with that. I actually dated a married woman when I was 17 and I would wait around for her to make decisions on when to see me. It seemed like she'd confirm plans with everyone else but me. I was the last of the priority line, it felt. And I would put off all other plans in the hope that she'd confirm a plan with me. But.... I let her do it. If I'd made my own plans, it might have forced her to sort her act out. Or it might have made me realise how low I was on her priority list and just face that fact. Then shift my priorities accordingly.

me: open poly (31, female)

involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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