I actually wondered the same thing... whether L had done this 'accidentally on purpose'. Accidents do happen but the way that you describe her just going ahead with everything with little question makes me wonder whether this was a pre-conceived notion of hers...
I could be absolutely wrong, but it did make me wonder slightly.
When I read that she had S over for a week in your bed and 'informed' you that this was going to happen, I couldn't believe what I was reading.
Even if you have and want a completely autonomous, independent relationship where you just live together but live your lives as you wish, that's still taking things too far. It's your bed!!
I would always, always ask my girlfriend how she felt about something before doing it. That's just what works for us. My girlfriend doesn't even like it when I stay over at someone's house because I can't drive and the night trains finish at 11pm. If I told her I was having someone over for a week she'd go postal.... and I currently live in another country half of the year!
Wow... I really feel for you.
I agree with GalaG that your 'dreams' are not ridiculous. These things could actually be a possibility.
Have the three of you all sat down together and discussed things as a group? Discussed where you'd like this to go?
I'm very concerned for you, because it seems that your thoughts and needs are being completely steamrolled here.
Do you even want a child? If so, how involved is your wife going to 'let' you be? Is she going to steamroll everything, or are you going to parent jointly? Choose a name together, choose a school, agree on a parenting style?
What is it that stops you from putting your foot down and calling a serious discussion about this?
Me: (30f) open poly
GF: (40f) My long-term, long-distance partner
Hubby (37m): GF's husband
Garcon (27m): GF's submissive
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha