Originally Posted by GalaGirl
Ok. So what would be "ruin?" Failure to communicate? Divorce? You make him breakfast one day and accidentally kill him with waffles?
I joke to keep it light, but I'm serious about this part -- Please articulate/explain "ruin" to yourself. Face the fear of "ruin" -- because often fear of the unknown leads to a lot of inner crazymaking.
And what drives THAT fear? That if you fall in love with her, somehow this changes/negates the love for you husband?
thanks for the laugh at first before you broke into the serious note lol.
My fear is complex but stems mostly because i am the only woman he has ever loved. when i met him he was a gamer nerd who didnt get out much to meet women and i was the only one in 3 years to even express an interest in him verbally. So, in fact, he was also a virgin. I had no idea any of these things when we first met or when i first started flirting. After i found out i got scared and tried to back out because i thought "wow, he deserves to have more special first than some gamer chick her met a week ago" But, he wouldnt let me back down and he pursued a relationship with me.
over our relationship i have always had an unintentional sense of pride in his love. It's like somehow in my mind his love his "perfect" because he never suffered the heartache of a breakup before me. He never suffered the walls and insecurity of giving his heart to anyone else before me so it wasnt wounded or in pieces. And i have prided myself in being good enough to have never hurt his love for me.
Because he is so special to my heart, it makes me want to share something i never shared with any other man or woman. But, i dont want to risk hurting what we have meaning...i am scared if i fall in love with another woman it may hurt my husbands feels. He has reassured me it won't but the fear is there. I have never hurt my husband and affraid to now. The fact that i have experienced what happens to a relationship after a significant other gets hurt and he hasnt makes it hard for my mind to wrap around how sure he is that if i fell for another woman it would not hurt his heart. what if he is wrong and he doesnt find out til the jealousy sets in deep?
i am not affraid of losing him. He is too loyal and devoted to go anywhere. Plus, i know what i have to offer him and theres not a lot of women these days who could know him the way i do. My fear is hurting the "us" i know us as now with jealousy. Because i dont want to accidentally show the other woman in our lives more affection and i dont want him to either. But like you said earlier, some things are involuntary.
I was really tired last night when i wrote my post, so my lack of detail makes me understand how someone implied a sexual fling with another woman. No, that is not something i have ever really enjoyed. i dont want to have sex with someone i dont care about. I want a "life partner". To me you can love someone deeply without falling in love. Love is a devotion not just an emotion. It takes work and people who genuinely want to make it work. It forms a best friendship and trust and emotions that could lead to falling in love. But, that doesnt mean it always will. I don't want unattached sex with some random girl who could care less who or what i am. In a sense i have no problem with him loving someone else, so long as she doesnt reach the specialness i have achieved in his heart. And this probably stems from getting hurt in the past by every guy except for him. So in the past i have been more emotionally attached to women than men. And my husband broke that part of me without even trying. I've been attached only to him for years and more-so that i have felt for any other man.
a close friend of mine calls what i want a "unicorn". I dont know if thats the correct term or not. i want a relationship with a girl that is more special than any other girl from my past. i miss the companionship of a best female friend and have limited how close i let myself get to women over the years to avoid falling for one of them. this was because i didnt want to hurt my husband. But, as i mentioned before, he assured me it wouldnt hurt him. So, i am trying to work up the courage to allow myself to feel that closeness with a woman again. I want my husband to be free to love her as i love her. I just dont want anyone feel hurt or neglected. the biggest reason i do not want him "falling in love" with another woman is because i cannot control if she hurts him. i can only control if i do. and the last thing i ever want is my husband feeling the hurt of a relationship like i have