New here, and a question
A little about us, I am C and my hubby of 12 years is J. We started out about 5-6 years ago as "swingers" we met and "played" with a few couples. Then we met our "main couple" 5 years ago and ended up being in a closed group with them. Fell in love and life was great. They have kids our kids ages and it made sense to the kids to "have sleepovers" because they lived far away.
In Jan their marriage started having trouble, we decided to pull back a bit to allow them to work solely on their marriage and then we could "play" again after that. As we decided early on our independent marriages come first. Then our "play time" comes second.
They ended up getting divorced because he was cheating on both of us. (its not that he wanted to go outside the group, he hid it from both of us and lied to us) So, long story short we kinda fell apart!
I personally am having a bit of a hard time deciding if I want to get back into this hard core again or what I want to do. I've told J that I need to take a break and be monogamous for a while until I can clear my head.
J and his girl (the fem from the failed marriage) disagree with me that I do not want them seeing each other for right now until I clear my thoughts, however they are both agreeing to not see each other. (Its really upset her though)
I feel bad, however if I am not honest with all about my feelings then it will not be a good situation either. I've been over any jealousy I had early on for a LONG time (like 4 years!) however with her being newly single and frankly a bit needy (she always has been, she drives me nuts with it!) I am having jealousy feelings again because now shes wanting to be monogamous with my husband and I do not understand why that's bothering me so much.
I wondered if it was feelings of "revenge" because I got hurt, but I do not feel that way. I am free to go out and seek another if I want.
So, any idea why I feel like I feel right now?