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Old 07-21-2012, 10:31 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,812

So if it causes you guilt and distress can't you just stop there and go "Wow! My wife is amazing in her life growth and development!"

Just because something is on the menu doesn't mean you have to or even want to order it.

Catholic guilt? I was raised Catholic and my faith development led me elsewhere. I have cultural Catholic roots/ties still, but my practice is something else. I've never felt particularly guilty and I prefer not to mourn my faith. God/the Divine as I experience it put me here as I am. So it's not like God/The Divine is gonna be shocked or surprised by anything I do/do not do. I feel I was placed here just as I am with great growth potential and how I tend to my buckets is on me.

If opening up is going to cause you shake ups in your marriage you cannot handle or you are at "that's nice, but I don't want to go there. no interest" place, don't open. Easy.

But whether you open the marriage up or not I want to hold this up...

You have OTHER choices here besides the one your wife offers you in getting the pass to have another lover. In faith, and in marriage.

You have the opportunity to examine your faith and test your beliefs with this new knowledge/experience of this new knowledge from your wife.

And see if the beliefs are still the ones you hold or if you are moving to another place in your faith development.

Are you familiar with the James Fowler chart? Scotty Mclennan? I'd suggest you Google. Both write about faith development.

Faith is not a switch you click on and off. It is something you PRACTICE and develop. You keep your spiritual health in good order. Sometimes practicing your faith means you seek another faith denomination path because you come to find your beliefs have changed.

Sometimes it means you explore other traditions and come back to the same path but with greater understanding of the original faith path and perhaps some appreciation for other traditions, so while you are sticking to your original, now you have new understanding of your own yard and appreciate the neighbors more.

Sometimes you go nowhere -- you plumb deep in YOU and you come to greater understanding and a more mature experience in your Catholic faith. You may or may not remain ignorant about the neighbors. (And ignorance isn't a horrible thing, it just means you don't know much about X.)

You can also plumb your marriage depths and reach new understandings not about your Catholicism, but about your WIFE and your relationship with her.

My husband amazes me -- we've been together thru tail end of teens, 20's, and wrapping up the 30's. I wonder what he will be like in 40's, 50's and beyond. I enjoy watching him grow and change as I enjoy my own growth. We both enjoy the growth, care, tending, and keeping of our relationship. It's neat to get to a place where you go "Well that month sucked/was great" to "well, that was a good year/bad year" to "well, hon, that was an interesting decade!"

Cada epoca tiene su encanto. Every epoch has its enchantments. Or every age and stage has its charms.

So at your age and stage, you've been given a gift in your mind bucket of new things to think about, a gift in your body bucket of new things to think about, a gift in your heart bucket of new things to think about, and a gift in your spirit/soul bucket of new things to think about. You don't have to do more than just accept the gift and think about new things and enjoy that process.

Pretty generous gifts -- to see where it takes you in your OWN personal growth and development journey. You could decide to open you to knowing YOURSELF better. Or stay closed to knowing yourself better. Here I'd suggest just taking the plunge and opening up to yourself and deeping your relationship to yourself. You are safe. You aren't gonna hurt you, and most of the journey is safely in your own head if you don't want to share it with wife. Though I suggest you consider sharing it and create/enjoy deeper emotional intimacy with her.

I'd def suggest you go kiss you wife for the gifts though.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-21-2012 at 10:46 AM.
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