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Old 07-21-2012, 10:29 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I am a straight woman. My poly dream is to have four male lover-friends, all of whom I date separately. Right I have one lover-friend and one new situation budding, with several potentials currently orbiting around me. I would love to have a threesome or moresome with two or more men, but I frankly would not want any of them to be sexual with each other. Men having sex with men does not turn me on at all. I've watched guy-on-guy porn to see if I could like it, but I don't.

In fact, if I am attracted to a guy and then find out he is bisexual, I almost immediately lose interest. For me, it has something to do with my perceptions of masculinity. I am attracted to men that I consider masculine. I like unconventionally attractive men, but rarely am I drawn to those whom I would consider effeminate or delicate. When I find out a guy is bi or gay, even if he is physically appealing to me and meets my idea of masculine, knowing he is bisexual just computes as less masculine in my brain. I don't know why that is, and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that because I know it is probably mostly conditioning, but any attraction I had just shuts down if a guy is bisexual or gay.

While I am sure I have been conditioned to think this way, I don't believe your idea of avoiding objectifying men has anything to do with that. I think my conditioning has simply been about what is masculine and what is not.
So, any threesomes/moresomes I would want to be involved in would just be with straight guys who, clearly, need to be comfortable in that sort of situation with another guy. Obviously, their focus would be on me (a girl can dream, can't she!). This would apply whether for the long-term or a one-night stand kind of threesome. The threesomes I have had (many years ago) were basically where the two guys "took turns" with me. If I were to have a threesome nowadays, I would like it to be more of a cooperative effort than it was back then, but it still would be about them servicing me and me servicing them, but not them servicing each other.

I found your comment about objectifying men like pieces of meat rather odd, since I view the whole "two chicks together is hawt" kind of thinking as an objectification of women (of course, I'm not talking about when a woman is genuinely atracted to another woman but when "two chicks getting it on" is fetishized by hetero guys as a fantasy, and it's all about the guys' enjoyment. Guys like that only want to see the most femme chicks kissing and having sex, and yet they will be the first to ridicule the really butchy types of dykes; or they will get into poly and make rules that their female partner can only be involved sexually with other women, even though she may want to be with other men. It's all about him and what he wants = Objectification!).

Since the word polyandry usually refers to a marriage of one woman and multiple men, we can't really be polyandrous in our culture, where marriage is limited to being only among two people, but since I would like to be involved with several men I do find it interesting that your question limited your hypothetical woman to only two male partners.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-21-2012 at 10:31 AM.
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