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Old 07-21-2012, 08:41 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,661

Originally Posted by thenewgirl79 View Post
i have a fear of falling in love with the other woman since emotions are what drive me sexually. however, i am scared my husband will also fall in love with her...or her with him. i want to shared relationship with another woman but do not want to share his heart.
is that even possible?
For me this is the crux of the matter - one that deserves a lot of consideration. The generally accepted definition of "polyamory" is the concept of "many loves". There are other forms of non-monogamy where people structure there relationships to attempt to avoid emotional entanglement - swinging, "open relationships".

For me, personally, a relationship that isn't free to evolve into whatever it can be is not a "full" relationship and if that is what you decide that you are seeking I think you need to be very clear with your potential partners with what the limits are that you are seeking. A common theme that I see in these threads is that people enter into "poly" type situations thinking that they can control their (or other people's) emotional responses and therefore limit their relationships to "nonthreatening" scenarios. This may be possible but I don't know how well that always works out. Feelings happen. People often become emotionally attached to people that they are in relationships with - for many of us that is sort of the point.

So, I think that if you are NOT looking for a "sex only" version of non-monogamy you do have to come to terms with the fact that it is quite possible that your husband could/would "fall in love" with any woman that you "share a relationship" with. If you don't feel that is something that you can consider you may need to reconsider what it is that you are seeking.

Originally Posted by thenewgirl79 View Post
i just want to always feel more special to him than any other woman...
Just wanting to point out that it is possible for more than one person to be "more special" to another person in different ways - each person is unique, you don't love each person in exactly the same way. It is not necessarily a competition...
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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