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Old 07-21-2012, 04:32 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 385

Heading away in five days! Spending a week back home - staying with Carob, and seeing Ella a wee bit too. C took days off work for the whole time I'm there. I'm really touched. So far he's used up pretty much all his annual holidays to see me during this year (over Easter he came here, and now he's taking more time off when I'm there). I asked if he could manage one or two days off so we could take a long weekend away, but he actually got a whole week (five days) off. Man, I love that boy. Time is something precious you can spend on people, no matter how tight for cash you are.

Have a few major things to finish up before I go, gotta hunker down this weekend. Sago helped heaps last couple of days, talking to the bank and doing some immigration stuff that I needed to get done.

Had a bit of a twist with Ayla last night. I'd been avoiding seeing Patch since she's been here, but I caught up with him for a drink last night. I was feeling like I should ask her whether she'd be okay with that, but my thoughts on the matter were - I don't want to treat him like she's his gate-keeper, and I don't think she wants to be treated as that either. But my feelings were... ah, I don't want to make things harder for her. Give her things to process.

But. I did wanna see Patch. He's a bit of a recluse, doesn't always make an effort to hang with people. As a friend, I wanted to touch base and see how he was doing etc. So yeah, I did. Ayla was busy last night, so couldn't hang out with us, but I met up with her at home much later on. She said she felt a bit weird cos he hadn't replied to her earlier about catching up, but then he did make an effort to catch up with me. He often doesn't reply to messages, that's just how he rolls... but she felt hurt by that.

I said I was sorry to do something that made her have to deal with these emotions. She said - processing things is part of life, and I shouldn't feel guilt about this. Mm. I guess I just hate making her feel like she's the problem, like her emotions are getting in the way of other people's happiness. I told her that there's nothing I need her to process, or "get over", so that I can hook up with Patch or whatever. I would like to be friends with him, and if we can make that work (given that I've said that I'm attracted to him) that would be perfect.

That said... ha! Talking with Patch made me realise what it is about touch that I really like. I love, absolutely love, conversations. The feeling of someone combing through my mind with their words. But sometimes touch lets you adventure further with ideas... you can explore rockier territory cos you're holding each other physically. We traded good words as always, but I did want to run my hands over his skin. (I didn't, but yeah.)

I suppose I am inclined to be intimate when I feel the connection is there. Hmm. If I get enough stuff done, maybe will see if anyone's free late night to hang out and smoke shisha (there's a place that's central and open til 5) or some such thing. Could be a good chance to unwind with friends and also see Patch & Ayla together if they're into it. Ah, okay, gotta do enough stuff so I deserve a break
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