Things have been crazy
Sorry, I haven't been posting. Things got hectic, crazy, insane... I didn't have time to sit down and write.
A lot has happened. The relationship with Lovely has been progressing nicely. She doesn't know that I have flipped and flopped and waffled about the whole poly thing. I've had some personal issues to work out. I have driven poor Bear insane with all the do I/don't I issues.
One day I'm really happy with the whole thing and the next day I'm not. I think that might be normal. I'm finding my groove I guess.
Some circumstances being difficult, and Lovely moving to our burg to attend college (transferring from a jr college) we all agreed that her preteen daughter would come to stay with us for about a month while she finished a summer class. Lovely would stay with a friend in order to conserve money, and would find a place of her own for her and her daughter at the end of the summer.
No issues there. She's a great kid. This past weekend Lovely came, brought daughter, we got her all settled in, everything is fine.
She goes back to the town where she's been living. Gah, is today really only Friday? A whole month has passed this week, know what I mean?
In the wee hours of Tuesday morning her friend's son raped her. Once she was released from the ER where a rape kit was collected she left there and came here.
Today we went to retrieve her belongings from her friend's house. The friend wasn't home, but the piece of shit rapist was. The "friend" KNEW we were coming today to get her clothes, etc. I called him last night and left him a vm. Asked him to call to arrange a time. He didn't return my call, but he KNEW we were coming to get her stuff.
What kind of bastard does that?
If there hadn't been a sheriff's deputy standing there (at our request) I would have killed the son of a bitch that did this to her.
She is so hurt in body and spirit. And, she was just starting to come out of the initial shock and anger of the attack and now we're right back where we started because her "friend" didn't tell the son to get lost for the day.
And there's nothing I can do.
I can feed her, hold her, pet her, let her know she's safe... but I cannot take away her pain. I cannot erase the memory. I cannot heal her body. I cannot heal her spirit.
I know that my feelings are piddling compared to hers (and also that I am fully within the normal range of emotion to be feeling the way I feel), and I am more concerned about her than me. But still... I rarely feel helpless... incapable of helping someone else, and this is my lover that is wounded.
To compound issues, the "friend" is also the father of her daughters best friend. So now we have to tell daughter that she most likely will never speak to her BF again because of the father. But, at least that puts the blame where it belongs.
So, long walks, therapy, trips to the pool, popcorn, movies, hand holding, lots of prayer, fuzzy kittens, roasted marshmallows, beating on the punching dummy (yes, I have a Bob), letting her cry when she wants to cry, rage when she wants to rage, love when she wants to love ... and in time she will heal.
She and daughter are now living at our house. Lovely decided that on Monday she will start looking for a job. Ten people just got fired from our local Walmart for stealing, so that is a good place to start. It's about six weeks til the semester starts, so if she can find a job quickly that will help her to get into a place of her own. Though right now I'm not worried about that. I'm just concerned with her feeling safe. That's all I want, and I think she does feel safe here. Otherwise she would have never left her daughter in our care.
Well, that's it for now.
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP