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Old 07-20-2012, 03:58 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
What makes my bf my primary is the fact that we live together, and he takes care of me and my Son. Also, I care about him more than my lover. Is it even possible to love two different people equally?

Although sexually, my lover is my primary, especially now.
I would never say that anything is impossible, because just when i start thinking something is, someone proves me wrong.

For me, each relationship I have is unique. Trying to measure them on some sort of scale is impossible, or at least contrived. It's like comparing apples to tornadoes.

Given that basis, I can't start creating hierarchies based on feeling. I am no fan of relationship hierarchies, either - they each are what they are, and I'm not going to rank them.

I never refer to either of my partners directly as "my primary" or "my secondary", because I find that rather insulting on a multitude of levels. That doesn't negate the fact that I have a primary relationship and a secondary relationship - it describes the practical nature of the respective relationships, rather than their relative importance. Also, it can be fluid, based on the needs and circumstances.

Trying to compare relationships, than than just celebrating the individual nature of each, can lead into some rather dark places, including competitiveness, which in my opinion, should never be a part of a relationship.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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