Originally Posted by hellokitty
The thing is, the things he says he needs from me, I don't think I can give him
I don't think I can give him. He wants to be the most important person in my life. Number one. No questions asked. He wants to know that at the end of the day if something happened and I had to choose I would come home to him and leave her behind.
Leave the love part out of it. Tell him you cannot guarantee to commit to giving him what he wants.
To misquote Tonberry I'd ask you again to reflect on the following
What about him moving in? Are you interest in living with him?
What about getting married? Or spending the next 40 years with him?
And I'll say - why don't you go write down somewhere secret and private, how you'd picture life if it were perfect YET realistic - which of your partners are present, and what role would you want them in? If you find yourself saying "I'd like A to live happily ever after with me and it would happen if only A changed like X/was Y - maybe you don't accept A. Same goes for B, C whatever (except if you think D is just perfect the way they are - you're probably in NRE
)well if a long term partner is'nt like X/Y/Z - stop pretending they will be. They are who they are, if it's more depression than joy, consider moving on.
If you are involved with somebody who you don't KNOW that you want the "traditional" fall in love, move in/get married and spend the rest of your life with them, it behooves you both if you recognize that, suck it up and bring it up, and then negotiate if you can still have a beautiful relationship, or if for one or both of your happiness's you need to let go and move on.