I would suggest you work hard (and start small if you need to) at setting boundaries. I'm like..awesome at setting them. If my husband said somebody was coming to visit for X time, I hadn't had input, and I could not make myself OK with it, you better believe I wouldn't just suck it up, they'd be spending at least some time in a hotel (the amount over what I was comfortable hosting) or if staying with us they'd be in the spare bed and my partner could go sleep with them there. Who decided you would give up your personal space? If you can't stand your ground for something that bugs you (and you cohabitate with somebody who likes to make decisions that affect the group), how are you going to stand your ground for important things (like decisions made after this child has been born?)
I certainly hope there's a happy poly family in the making, but where does S stand if he doesn't want a part of it? If S disappears what issues do you have to work out with your partner? Was this accident an actual accident or a "we're too horny to use protection? Are you glossing over horrible behavior because you love people? Deep down do you think a MTF person doesn't deserve as much love and honesty as other people? Do you envision being able to be happy in a future where your partner isn't trying to understand your feelings or hurt from (what what I consider at least) a BIG issue? And do you think they are insensitive in other ways or is it just this? This minor - oh some persons sperm got into my uterus and I'm bearing their child now...why are you bothered?
I'm sorry to be snarky in that bit there - I think there are hard questions to ask yourself about how you want the rest of your life to go. Are you with a partner who is putting you up there in terms of importance like you deserve, and have you have figured out yet how to put yourself up there in terms of importance yet?
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 07-20-2012 at 06:30 PM.