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Old 07-20-2012, 05:48 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,217
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:hug: welcome! That was brave.

But... breathe... breathe.

You have a small window here to make big decisions. BEFORE this child is born and gets to know you as father, BEFORE you get more deeply bonded to your wife's baby, you need to finish letting all this emotional storm finish blowing on through you. Do NOT just react or be deer caught in the headlights. Move to ACT WITH INTENT and with purpose.

Quote:
I suppose I'm harbouring some vague fantasy of us all being a big, happy, poly family together. Which is ridiculous, I know.
If this is the goal, or dream, why is it ridiculous? State your want, need, limit to your wife and S.

Can that at all be possible in some for for them? If so... alright. Let's discuss what kind of form this alternative family unit will take. Let's hold the unborn child up as the one with most to lose here if this isn't handled right.

Get yourselves BACK into right relationship with each other. Grievances aired, apologies offered, forgiveness bestowed, ammends made. Can we catch up the PAST to that place? Back to even keel? If so?

Let's get the PRESENT back in focus here. Confess you attraction, smooshy weird feelings, they dump theirs on the table. Let's begin anew, and begin with radical honesty this time. Can we get a working framework for rights and responsibilities in how this new alternative family is going to function and play ball now like honorable Star Wars Jedi and not flail about like it's the Muppet Show with people whapping each other with fish? (I jest to try keep it humorous and light, but I'm also serious.)

Every relationship has rights and responsibilities. Those are mine, and you all need to come together and make your own working model that will fit you all and your situation in a way you can all agree to.

Now let's talk to FUTURE. The kid is coming!

Get the legalities straight, S surrenders all rights, wife does not even BOTHER to list him on birth certificate but lists YOU, all the things that need to be done. Just so one bio parent or another doesn't suddenly go mad and tries to take child from the other two in some nutso custody battle, alright? We can wish it would never happen but with all the drama so far... let's crank this show volume back down to "keeping it real. "

The parent's job is to keep the kid safe. Let's move with that as the arc to this story now.

There's lots more to cover, but if this is a group goal, the group can start rowing together to get there. And you won't know if they even want to get in that boat unless you bring it up to ask if it could ever even BE.

Quote:
I suppose I'm harbouring some vague fantasy of us all being a big, happy, poly family together. Which is ridiculous, I know.
Remember, it's Star Wars Jedi time now on this channel. No more Muppet Show.

GL!
GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-20-2012 at 05:55 AM.
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