Welcome to these forums.
I think this is a great place to talk. Real life is so much more complicated than fiction can ever be.
Dood! I feel for you. All I can offer is big virtual hugs, I can't even imagine how that is for you.
Wishing for you to find whatever it is you need.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)