View Single Post
Old 07-20-2012, 02:04 AM
Daffodil Daffodil is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NW USA (Seattle area)
Posts: 22

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
It sounds like this was born out some marital issues....who's idea was this as the solution ? Was this the best idea ? What were the ideas that got rejected ?

Is Wifely duty code for sex? How much was much different was your desire for sex.?

Also it does have that swinger mentality ....recretional sex ...but feelings and commitments are out of bounds.

I agree with the hooker idea..... Was that ever discussed?

To answer you. We opened our relationship after the proverbial 7 year itch. Sex got boring, I lost interest. Completely. It did start out as swinging, yes, but it changed into more with at least two other women.

Hooker? Would be better than worrying every time he leaves me for her that he won't be coming back. That means she wins and I lose.

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
So for the past 5 yrs you've been open ....and the past year and half he's been with her .....what changed in your life that this became an issue .....why now? Has their been a change in your other relationship(s). Has this effected your other relatioships?

If you get your way does that mean you will dump all your outside relationships and go back to being mono.

Ps...if you got the time take a look at my other questions
I was seeing someone until several months ago and that ended. I have no other relationships at this time but I am starting to wonder if maybe I should start looking. I need another option if he chooses to stay with her, not move on.

I tried the angle that this wasn't fair to her but he won't listen. He empathizes but swears that she knows what the situation entails. She can decide for herself.

Would I go back to being mono? Maybe, yes, until she's long out of the picture. I will play safe until i know she is gone then i'll reopen our relationship. He can have "friends" again, as will I; it just won't be her.

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Okay, I think I understand the situation a little better. You seem to be concerned that maybe someday your husband will leave you in order to be with her more. That fear is driving what seems to be an intense jealousy. Is there anything else that might be making you feel jealous, or does that about cover it?


Yes, I think so. Surely it is enough to test him a little, and then take him at his word? Can you trust him? Do you trust him? Has he ever done anything to weaken your trust in him? Do you have any grief or trauma that you experienced in your past that might be hurting your ability to trust now?

How intense/extensive is this jealousy that you feel? Can you live with your husband spending some time with her, as long as he doesn't leave you?

I remember the first (so far only) time I went on this one really bad-ass ride at Cedar Point, the Top Thrill Dragster. It shot straight up in the air, and went straight back down, and we are talking a *long* ways up. When I was in the ride, I was just clutching the safety restraint, eyes squeezed shut, hanging on for dear life. This image came back to me when I read about your situation. You seem to be caught in some kind of terrifying ride, and are clutching on to your husband for fear of losing him. Can you loosen your grip just a little, or is the terror too intense?

I am just curious to know what is driving these intense fears you are experiencing. I respect your right to not talk about it, if you don't want to talk about it any further. But if you change your mind and do want to talk about it, I'm listening.

Take some comfort from your husband's reassurances if you can. Sometimes the fear of vulnerability is all it takes to throw us into a defensive posture.

Hope this somehow helps,
Kevin T.
The jealousy and insecurity is really intense. No, he's never done anything to make me question that but his devotion to her and his feelings for her are very strong. I actually agree with him, she is an amazing woman, which is why I am so threatened. Their connection is unbelievable.

I think my husband says what he needs to say to appease me. I've had some mental health issues as of late that I think he says what he is supposed to say to make me feel better. But I have read his emails to her, and they say a different story. He would rather be there. He doesn't say that outright, but deep down, I know it.