Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
You have a 3 month timeframe to do a review of your negotiations - to see what still applies, where the pressure points are, and work out as a group what needs to be changed, yes? Maybe that should be reset when someone one new joins.
Anyway, just a thought
We actually have a 3 month OR if someone new joins agreement. But, I've found that only works if the new person actually is willing to sit and talk honestly TOGETHER.
This last roll around, well, she talked to him, she talked to me, but what she said (and mine was all in writing via email) was COMPLETELY contradictory.
To be frank-I think it was a combination of him not knowing what the hell HE really wants AND her not knowing what she really wants. While that isn't unreasonable-it does make it damn near impossible for any of hte rest of us to work with them-when they can't even honestly say what's going on.
But, I do agree, it's imperative that when a new person enters the picture, they have an opportunity to participate in a discussion on the boundaries and possible changes etc.
My biggest frustration is that if they don't want to meet (which is CERTAINLY their privilege) then THEY REALLY SHOULD NOT BE BITCHING about the fact that he can't come negotiate on their behalf until the 3 month time. (Nor can I-but as I move slower and more methodically, it hasn't ever been an issue on my end).
I mean SERIOUSLY-
if you want to be treated with equal consideration-
THEN GET OFF YOUR ASS
and treat us with equal consideration (us being the rest of us metamours you don't want to fuck)
and COME SIT DOWN AND TALK.
If you're too (whatever word you want to fill in here) to come talk-
don't bitch over the fact that you ARE NOT PART OF THE GROUP and therefore since you are CHOOSING not to be-you don't get a vote!
Ok, that vent felt SO nice.
Anyway C-I think you rock. I really love reading the things you write and in my time away from the board I've thought often of things you had written before and missed reading your thoughts!
They always make me consider my stance, reconsider and really think. I LOVE that!