Originally Posted by WhatHappened
AnotherConfused, as much as I can understand why someone might not invest in a relationship that can't lead to a future, a spouse, a home together, etc., it sounds like it's just outright thoughtlessness, at best, at this point. :-(
Well, it turns out he was just really clueless about how I've been feeling, partly due to being so busy he'd been only scanning my last several emails. He also has a habit of over-scheduling himself. He was also hesitating to put time with me on his calendar for fear my husband wouldn't like it. We talked it all through and cried a lot and came to a much better place, and he wrote me into his calendar for next month. He also has thanked me for encouraging him to be here, because it has been a fantastic time getting to be together.
Meanwhile, my husband has been "clarifying" our rules by objecting to more and more things I've tried to do with C, and has now outright forbidden his presence in our house whether my husband is home or not. This makes me feel like it is not my house, just my husband's house, and he keeps pointing out how much more times, effort and money he has put into it. (He works full time, I am the caregiver parent and run my own business part time which doesn't make very much money.)
So tonight, C's last night in town for this visit, will be our last "date" for a while, and I will give monogamy another try in order to try to save my marriage. I have no idea how this will work because I love C very much, and that will be true whether I am with him or not, whether we touch each other or not. C is adamant that he wants no part in breaking up my marriage, and my husband now is equally adamant that my being polyamorous doesn't work for him. What does this mean? How do I stop? I have no idea how to do this, but I know I have to try. It feels like ripping my heart out.