Welcome to our forum.
It sounds like you have quite an intense and loving triad. I hope the three of you are able to be together for a long time. Sounds like your BFF's husband has kind of a DADT thing going. Maybe in the future he will open up, and it will get easier for him? I hope so.
Always communicate with each other, as much as possible. Communication is the doorway to so many things.
I am glad you could join us.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"