Originally Posted by Courious
How do I do it?! I don't know if he'll be into it or not. I think he will be after I give him the positives, or he'll at least 'let me' be poly.
But really, tell me your stories. How did you bring it up? How'd it go? Has anyone left a partner because they wouldn't 'let' you be yourself be being poly? What's the best way to bring it up with a dude who has trouble saying what he actually thinks at times...?
So you chickened out last night?
My only experience of this is when I asked to be poly, without even knowing what poly was.
I'd been with my boyfriend, of the time, for 5 years. I met a girl and felt an intense attraction. I met her whilst I was away on a work thing for two weeks. I didn't act on it. I came home and cried to my best friend because I was so into this girl. ~laughs~ I behaved strangely around my boyfriend for a few days. Then I just basically told him I liked this girl so much and felt so guilty for liking her that I had to get it off my chest. I didn't expect anything more from it. Then he said "why don't you explore that then?"
And my poly world opened up.
My GF's story was different. She basically left it so long that she couldn't take it any more. After about 8 years of marriage, she gave him the ultimatum of poly or divorce. Nice. ~looks left to right~
So basically... I think that the actual talk isn't the hard part.
All the talk does is shows whether or not you are on the same page.
Once the talk is out of the way, it's time to explore it and make lots of silly, selfish mistakes
Have you done any reading about poly? Read The Ethical Slut, or anything like that? I think there is a sticky thread on here with resources. There's a good website too.... I think it's called More Than Two.
We made up all of our poly theory as we went along and ran into a lot of problems in the beginning. We caused each other needless hurt because we were acting like wild single people instead of committed poly people.
Ultimately.... I don't know how to best put this advice.... but it just comes down to having the talk. Not when he's drunk or stoned. Yes, perhaps if you both go out to the pub and have some time together, that would be ok, because it's relaxed.
Be as sensitive as you can and give him space if he needs it.
If he does actually go for it, for the love of God, don't just dive in a few days later. Take it slow.
The most important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter what his response is. What matters is that you are putting your need across, if this is something that you need. It's important that it's out there. There is no point in being with someone you are not compatible with, regardless of poly.