thank you so much for posting this thread. this is exactly what I was referring to in my post about jealousy and the 3rd being the one who is cast aside. I have seen exactly this situation over and over in both the poly and the swinging lifestyles over the last 25 years. I feel for you honey. Everyone is right about speaking up. The wife needs to suck it up a deal with it or you my dear need to exit stage left. One thing to keep in mind they are legal man and wife period. as long as they are married she does have priority over you in every aspect in his life including finances regardless of who loves who. you will NEVER be an equal in their lives. to prove my point if he were to have a fatal accident tomorrow, his wife would collect death benefits you would get nothing and be left out in the wind alone. I wish the entire institution of marriage was done away with. they can make you feel like an equal by getting a king sized bed etc but in the end you are still the 3rd wheel. this fact is something that you have to suck it up and deal with. If you were somone who was more than a sexual partner who out of convienence lived with them then you would share their bed by their choice. as much as I would love to be a part of a triad this is the very thing that makes me skiddish as a single woman.