thanks for the advice
Thanks for your advice. I do really understand how hard it is for Bee. And i think about that a lot. She and I had a long talk today about our feelings. She was concerned that I might be feeling anxious and was very open to listening to my feelings. We tallked about her concerns too so it was a mutual conversation, not one sided.
I am trying to use this as a growing experience for me. I am secure in my relationship, but this is uncharted waters for me. I know that most of my feelings are tied up in being out of my comfort zone. This will be a good thing for me regardless of the outcome.
At this point I don't know why I accepted the idea of polyamory. Why I let JC have a relationship with Bee. Was it because I am poly or was it because that is what JC wants.
I think my biggest fear is that after this is trist is over I'll realize that the poly life isn't for me. I know that if I choose not to be poly I will either have to learn to tolerate his other lovers or loose our marriage. And that is a tough pill to swallow. JC and I have already discussed this issue and he has made it clear that he loves me and doesn't want to be without me. But if I am not comfortable with his polyness, then it will eventually split us apart. he says that he has lived without being open about who he is long enough and doesn't want to go back to being mono. He is okay if I want to stay mono.
i don't want to change him. but I need to be true to myself. But first I need to figure out what will make me happy with or without JC.