I'm going to play the devil's advocate here for just a sec...some people don't like to be defined by who they sleep with. Does it work well in today's society? Not usually, but it might make them feel better to believe that they haven't contributed to the problem.
Also? Some people do really stupid things when their worldview is threatened. There might be reasons within the OP's community why being out as poly isn't a great idea because of the cretins surrounding their household.
If the OP has had this forced upon her, then, yeah, not cool. However, as the partner of someone who volunteered to be the "underground" partner in our closed triad, some people don't want all of the trappings of a relationship in the public eye.
Last edited by Pretzels; 07-18-2012 at 11:37 PM.